THE FUNNY BONE
Tasteful jokes and comics
Know a good tasteful joke? Seen a funny cartoon/comic by or about SSBBW/BBW that made you laugh? Let us know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car.
Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.'
Operator: 'What is your location sir?'
Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street .'
Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?'
Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute.
Operator: 'Are you there sir?'
More heavy breathing and another minute later.
Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me?'
This goes on for another few minutes until....
Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?'
Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell eucalyptus, so I just dragged him round to number 3 Oak Street .'
Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.
"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."
O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."
"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."
O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"
The Night Before Easter
'Twas the night before Easter. All was calm and laid back.
Fred, the mouse in the kitchen, snarfed down a late snack.
The eggs were all dyed but still drippy and sticky...
To be honest, they looked just a little bit icky.
There were big jelly beans, chocolate bunnies and such,
And as Fred stuffed his face, he sighed, "This is too much!"
Phil and Rose were in bed watching late night TV,
While munching saltines with low-sodium Brie.
Then a sudden commotion rang out in the night.
It shook Phil and Rose, really gave them a fright.
Phil's hair stood on end, and his eyes bugged out big...
Rose whipped off the covers and knocked off her wig.
They lunged to the window, yanked open the blinds...
What they saw was amazing; it boggled their minds:
Across the night sky, with a noise like the dickens,
Soared a minivan drawn by eight overgrown chickens!
At the wheel sat a bunny -- cute, fuzzy and fat --
In designer blue jeans and a Panama hat.
Like a speeding space shuttle, those chickens they flew,
As the van driver called to each hen in his crew:
"Now, Ashley! Now, Sheila! Now, Kelsey and Bo!
On Bethany, Liza! On Daphne, on Flo!"
The van made its landing lickety-split ...
Nearly wiped out the shrubs and the barbecue pit!
Then up on the roof, much to Phil's consternation,
They squawked of egg prices and space navigation.
They made so much noise that Phil started to stammer,
"If you guys don't shut up, we'll get thrown in the slammer!"
Fuzzy hopped down the chimney, amidst all this racket,
And emerged from the fireplace, adjusting his jacket.
This bunny was chic, he had class, he had flair ..
Not your average bozo, not your typical hare.
His ears were enormous; his huge overbite
Was right under a nose like a pink neon light.
His manner was smooth, he was hip, he was cool;
This floppy-eared bunny was no fuzzy fool.
"While I'm here," he smiled, "Everybody relaxes ...
I'm not selling storm windows, won't audit your taxes.
I'm just here to bring you some fun and delight.
Eat, drink, and be merry! Let's party tonight!"
So they sipped diet soda and swapped silly jokes,
Those birds and their bunny just being plain folks.
Then flop-ears said, "Hey, friends, we've had quite a ball,
But my chickens and I are now due in St. Paul!"
He crossed both his eyes. Then he wiggled one ear,
And he yelled to his chicken team, "We're outta here!"
As the minivan rose in the 3 a.m. sky,
He called out, "Later, Phil! And to you, Rose, good-bye!"
As he sped out of sight, his two friends heard him say,
"Happy Easter to all! Have a beautiful day!"
"Where man sees but withered leaves, God sees sweet flowers growing."
"Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck."