Tasteful jokes and comics

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You Know You've Had Too Much Holiday Cheer When...

  1. You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.
  2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.
  3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
  4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.
  5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
  6. You strike a match and light your nose.
  7. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
  8. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
  9. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
  10. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
  11. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
  12. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
  13. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
  14. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
  15. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
  16. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
  17. You're at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan.
  18. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
  19. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
  20. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.

"Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
~Phyllis Diller

"Put on your yarmulke,
Here comes Hanukkah!
So much funukah,
To celebrate Hanukkah!
Hanukkah is the festival of lights.
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights."
~Adam Sandler, "The Hanukkah Song"

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