THE FUNNY BONE
Tasteful jokes and comics
Know a good tasteful joke? Seen a funny cartoon/comic by or about SSBBW/BBW that made you laugh? Let us know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Rules of Chocolate
If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
The problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.
It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
Money talks. Chocolate sings.
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because no one wants to quit.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
Chocolate is a health food. Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived either from sugar beets or cane, both vegetables. And, of course, the milk/cream is dairy. So eat more chocolate to meet the dietary requirements for daily vegetable and dairy intake.
It cannot be found in the scriptures, but one story has it that upon his resurrection, the Lord appeared to a certain fisherman.
"I am Jesus - My death has saved all who do or will believe, and I am returned to show the Father's love and power.
"No, you're not Jesus, so bug off, you're scaring all the fish," answered the old fisherman.
"I see thou are full of doubt. What would thee have me do to show who I am?"
"Walk across the river," he tells Jesus.
So Jesus starts walking across the river. Next thing, he sinks and disappears under the water. After he swims back to shore, the old man says to him, "There you are, see, you're not Jesus, you can't walk across water"
Jesus responds, "Well, I used to be able to do it until I got these darned holes in my feet!"
|"Where man sees but withered leaves, God sees sweet flowers growing."|
|"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."