Tasteful jokes and comics

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HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, 'SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL, YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE:

' MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED , 'IN 1959. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY, AND THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ASS, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT SON-OF-A-GUN ASKED, 'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?'

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
	Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
	Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
	Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
	Rottweiler: Make me.
	Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
	Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
	German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
	Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
	Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
	Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark
	Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."
	Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
	Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle..
	Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
	Cats do not change light bulbs People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: "How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"