AN SSBBWs WORLD
Information and rants about living in the real world as an SSBBW
As SSBBWs, we live in a world built for smaller people. Each day we face challenges to fit in, or even to just fit. While education and information are powerful tools, our best resource is each other. Let us know your tips or rants about this subject at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Each month we try to profile an SSBBW to help inspire those SSBBWs who haven't yet gotten that they are wonderful, caring, sexy, special people. We are always looking for more great and wonderful SSBBWs that feel they can be an inspiration to others to be profiled. Send us a mail if you are interested!!We're looking for SSBBWs willing to be profiled. If interested, send us an email!
Sister Bertha Bigger Than You
She's here! We searched high and low for the perfect advice columist and we finally found her. Dishing out great advice and wisdom and sharing our unique sense of humor, we introduce to you ... Sister Bertha Bigger Than You. Click here to read this months column. And as soon as she sits down and keeps quiet long enough we'll have our resident artist, Michael, to do her portrait.
Do you know when a woman is considered a SSBBW?...And...Do you have what it takes to love her?
My understanding is that a woman is considered a SSBBW when she reaches the over 300+ lbs mark. Why would a woman be considered a SSBBW at 300+ lbs and only a BBW at 299 lbs? I don't have a good answer for that. My belief is a label is just that a "label". First and foremost I am a human being, secondly a woman. Beyond that why should it matter? I ask that knowing that we as people make it matter. Why should it matter that I am multi-racial to someone of a different ethnicity or that I am 54 years old to someone younger or that I have green eyes and not brown? Again it shouldn't. I am "ME", an individual and I want to be accepted as such.
In the past 4 years in my search on the Internet, I have read 1000's of profiles of men who say they are FA's (fat admirers). The ones I am addressing here are the ones that say their preference in a BBW is a SSBBW. The thing I have noticed time and time again is that many of them say they are looking for a woman who is romantic, active, enjoys long walks on the beach or in the rain, hiking, skiing, horseback riding, traveling, going to sporting events, riding a motorcycle (let's face it, the only thing many of us SSBBW will be riding with wheels is an electric scooter which by no means should make us less desirable or loveable), is physically fit and who wants to be spoiled and pampered. Well at least you got the spoiled and pampered part right.
These are all wonderful past times but, I would like to find out how many of these actually fit into the life of a SSBBW as easily as one might want. I am using this group of women because at 420 lbs of loveliness I am considered a SSBBW. I cannot speak for all SBBW's but I do know first hand that of which I speak of.
So, you want a lady who is physically active and enjoys long walks? Realistically, given the size of many of us, long walks without being able to rest often is out of the question. So why then when we can't manage a 1/4 mile or even a 1/8 mile walk you tell us we need to lose weight or seem otherwise put out? Granted not every SSBBW has problems with walking but MANY do. I have other issues that make it more difficult for me to be as mobile as I would like and they have NOTHING to do with my weight. Yes I believe the idea of walking hand in hand on the beach sounds wonderfully romantic....I just CAN'T do it. So of course hiking is going to be out of the question too. Okay enough said about walking. I think you get the idea.
I really get a kick out of the men that say they would love to go horseback riding. I have not been on a horse since I was 8 years old. Now tell me, what horse is going to let a 420 pound woman on its back without kicking up a fuss?? Better yet how do you propose you are going to get me up on that horse? It's one of those things that make you go....Hmmmmm. Just something for you to think about.
I was talking to a man via IM on Yahoo and he said he enjoyed skiing and thought it would be fun to take me skiing. In what life?? Certainly not the one I'm living now. I have not been skiing since I was 15 and even then I was not very good at it which of course I told him. But he suggested that he would be right there to catch me or at least help me up if I fell. I promise you if I fell, unless he was Superman he wouldn't be catching me nor would it be a very pretty sight watching him try to help me up. LOL!!!! No thanks, I would rather spare myself from the humiliation of being the spectacle on the ski slopes. By the way, I am beginning to think IM means (I)'m a (M)oron to many of the men who use programs such as Yahoo and MSN. Why is it that many of the men are only interested in getting us out of our clothes, only to allow them to degrade us even further? And you wonder why I no longer chat via IM with anyone.
Another one of my pet peeves is with those that say they are looking for a woman who is "physically fit". What exactly does that mean?? While I am on that subject....to those of you who like to travel with your lady friend, PLEASE keep in mind most of us SSBBW's cannot "physically fit" (there's that word again) comfortably in an airplane seat. Do you admire/love her enough to purchase an extra seat for her which is required by some airlines? If you travel by plane frequently with your lady it would nice if you purchase a seatbelt extender for her so she doesn't have to suffer the humiliation of asking for one each time she boards a plane. Oh did I say "YOU" would purchase her ticket? There are very few, if any men I have spoken with that would be willing to spend their own money to purchase a plane ticket for the woman he swears he loves. Guys, if I am not worth the few hundred dollars it will take to get me to you or visa versa you are wasting your time and mine.
On the same line as fitting into an airplane seat there are many SSBBW that can not fit in the seats at a stadium or arena......Bleachers you say??? Not on your life, unless you are seating me on the bottom row. That also brings in the problem of back support. No thanks this girl will pass on the bleachers.
Have you ever taken your special lady to a place where there is no place for her to sit comfortably and expect her to stand all night?? Sorry guys that's not happening. No, I am not a couch potato. What I am saying is that sometimes special accommodations have to be arranged to make the time enjoyable for both parties involved. If you are taking her to a special restaurant please call ahead to make sure they have armless chairs instead of expecting her to put her more then ample derriere in a chair made to accommodate a much smaller person. While on the subject of restaurants those with only booths are an absolute No-No, unless of course the table is movable. There is nothing worse then walking thru a restaurant with all eyes on you, only to find out you can't fit into the booth or chair. It isn't a pretty picture to see me trying to squeeze into a booth only to find my belly stuckunder the table and my breast plopped on top of it. Breast for dinner you say???? I don't recall ordering chicken....LOL!!! All joking aside please spare her the embarrassment. Are you willing to go that extra step?
Hmmm, what have I left out??? Ah! Yes the motorcycle thing. I must say I enjoyed the few times I was on the back of a Harley. I did have a few problems that we were able to overcome. I don't know about anyone else but I had one hell of a time getting these big legs and huge thighs over the seat to straddle the bike gracefully. At least he had the wherewithal to roll the Harley over to a curb which made it a bit easy to mount and dismount. Also don't forget with an extra 300+ lbs added to that already big machine it is going to handle differently. Are you up for the challenge? I might also add that if you have a high vehicle, such as a truck or SUV, we need you to pull up to the curb or have a foot stool waiting. It's not easy to climb aboard those things even at a normal weight and size. By the way who's to say what is "normal"?? For me 420 lbs is perfectly normal.
Now for that magic word "romantic". Just what do you mean when you say you are romantic? Give me some "for instances". Your idea of being romantic might mean laying on the floor in front of a roaring fire in the evening with a glass of wine after I have cooked dinner and washed dishes, then making love until the wee hours of the morning? Phooey! I say. Guys, sex begins in the kitchen. Do you come home and finding her in the kitchen, walk up behind her and gently massage her shoulders, then softly kiss her on the nape of the neck.....pat her big luscious butt and ask what you can do to help?? Maybe offer a glass of wine or wipe the sweat off her brow as she stands over a hot stove. Then after dinner help wash the dinner dishes, then lead her to the bathroom where you've run a nice hot bath in a bathroom lit only by the many scented candles you've placed around the room. You then bath her beautifully curvaceous body as she relaxes after a long day. Then pat her dry remembering to get all the rolls and crevices then apply lotion to her beautiful body from head to toe. Did someone say spoiled and pampered here?? And to think it didn't cost you a thing.
Now if you are the type to come home and sit down in front of the TV and wait for her to serve you dinner after which you fall asleep on the couch you've sat on since coming home and you wonder why she is too tired to have sex. Get a clue! Come on guys wake up and show your lady you care. Let her know how special she is and how much she is appreciated. Grab a hold of the concept that "Sex begins in the kitchen" you just might be surprised how frequently it will happen. I personally would have sex 3 or more times a day everyday if I thought I was appreciated. Oh and one more brief thing on the subject of sex before I move on. I am "NOT" a gymnast nor a contortionist. Fellows remember that when you want to get my body into a position it hasn't been in 35 years.
Don't let me get on the subject of the 100's of men that frequent the BBW/SSBBW Dating sites looking for the woman of his "dreams" but who are not willing to pay to upgrade their membership so he can do more then send her a flirt. Makes me wonder how badly he wants to find that woman. My upgraded membership will do him no good since he wouldn't be able to read a message I send to him. Boy! How often I have experienced that.
Okay I am going to get down off my soapbox now and quietly go back to my corner. This is not the end all on dating/loving a SSBBW but it is a good start. If you don't know what your lady needs/likes...ASK HER!
P.S. (that means postscript to those who don't know); meaning it is an afterthought. I wasn't sure where to add this but I think it needs to be addressed.
To those of you who are married or are in a committed relationship do you have any idea what you do to the woman you have strung along for months? I am positive there are women who are no longer alive today because YOU were that proverbial straw that broke the camel's back or should I say woman's spirit.
Just because you hide behind a computer screen does not mean that the women you are stringing along doesn't have feelings. Being a SSBBW makes us already vulnerable to a very low self esteem but, when we are finally convinced that someone loves us just the way we are, only to discover it was all a lie, YOU risk destroying what little self esteem she had. If you spend half as much time convincing the woman in your life that you love her as you do on the Internet lying to unsuspecting women you might find that you have had what you were looking for all along laying in the bed beside you at night. Put yourself in the shoes of the woman/women you have lied to and imagine how she must be feeling. You're are dealing with a real person, not just a username on a computer screen.
To the wives/girlfriends of these men, why is it the woman you blame for the online affair with your man? Most if not all of the time the women have no knowledge that you even exist. They have been lied to over and over by the man who swears he is single. Take a good look at where the fault lies. More times then not we are the victims of liars and self serving men who have no other agenda then to have their sexual needs met or their egos stroked. Perhaps the wrong person is looking in the mirror and judging herself unworthy of being loved.
Written and submitted by: Lady Haque
|"I've had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started."
Letters to the Editor...
We've received a few letters to the editor lately and would like to post them here. If you have anything to say we'd love to hear from you too, so send us an email.
"I recently came across the website for SSBBW Magazine and, being an FA for as far back as I can recall, I wanted to begin this e-mail by thanking those in charge of it and those who founded it and being supportive to a portion of the population that's more often demeaned than acknowledged. [Jeffrey]"